Quote:
Originally Posted by divine1966
Not a criticism. Not saying you were wrong. You and your son both fell you were in the right. My observation of family situations taught me that people could love each other yet hurt each other feelings because sometimes it’s inevitable and sometimes it just happens
You said something like “if we love someone we wouldn’t treat them certain way”. I don’t think that’s the case. I am sure I hurt my daughters feelings and she hurt mine. It’s inevitable. It doesn’t mean there is no love.
Ideally people always treat each other right and no one d ever gets hurt. In reality that’s not the case
You said if your son loved you he’d not do XYZ. I am sure he loves you. He just doesn’t think he needs to do XYZ. And he likely thinks that you had to do XYZ simply because of love. But you didn’t. Doesn’t mean you don’t love him. That’s just how it is in life.
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Thanks, Divine. To keep being accused of my demanding to pick out my DIL’s engagement ring is maddening.
Yes, “bad treatment” is subjective. I accept that we’re not mad about every quality of our loved ones. Some habits might infuriate us, but we still love them. The relationships I’ve had with several very close people now, have been that they have acted really outrageously unlovingly that knocked me for a loop so badly, I can’t help but think they don’t really love me. I can’t see how someone could be heartless and cruel and be loving. This issue really confuses me.
Now among these several people, I have dealt with them by ignoring the actions of one and acting like all is well, ceasing to be another’s friend, moving on without ever getting an apology and maintaining a minimal relationship with another, with another we both never called the other again to be social but now just act like nothing happened and interacted as a family without really interacting
, with my son I reach out gently and consistently and they respond with a casual coolness, and with my husband I want to live together happily but can’t relax intimately or stop getting upset about it.
We start a new therapist next week and I’m exhausted from this thing with him. I also DO NOT want to get into it with another person ever again.
