Thanks for your replies, BirdDancer, falcon09, and wildflowerchild25.

My therapist today said that I am severely depressed and that she is worried about me. She asked if I had suicidal ideation, so I lied to her and said "no." I also don't think I need the hospital anyways, so I don't see the point in being honest about my thoughts if they're just going to make her pull the IP trigger. I know my depression is very nasty, but, like you, wildflower, I do NOT want to risk coronavirus. I know some people do need IP during these dark times and they have no choice, but for me, personally, it's not worth it, especially with my job and all... I think I'll manage... kinda.

Anyways, I have a pdoc appt in less than an hour now. We'll see how that goes... but I'm going to have to lie to him about suicidal ideation as well. The ideations are more like passive thoughts anyways, not anything too serious. I mostly just spend time in my bed staring at the ceiling because I'm not interested in doing anything in general. I also hate myself and keep thinking of all my f*** ups. I'm trying not to sleep excessively.