I'm sorry you are struggling with this. I know how it hurts. I'm an old man now. But I've struggled with my own gender identity my whole life. And I've kept it a closely guarded secret (irl) for pretty-much all of it. Most of the few memories I have left of my early childhood revolve around it. I won't go into any further detail with regard to this though. I've written about it so often I fear it has become tiresome.

I will just mention I never did anything about my own gender dysphoria in terms of any sort of transition. And I guess I always assumed, or perhaps hoped, that as I got older my gender dysphoria would fade. But in fact it has gotten worse. (We used to say, if you're trans, you're trans for life. It never goes away.)

So the thing I would strongly encourage is, as soon as it is doable for you, find a gender therapist you can work with to determine if you are actually transgender or if there is something else going on. And in the meantime there are, or at least have been, a couple of gender therapists on YouTube. It may be worth your while to watch some of their videos. Also you might consider joining (or at least reading on) a transgender forum. Two I am familiar with (but don't belong to) are Transpulse and Susan's Place Transgender Resources. (Given that it sounds as if you are a young person Transpulse may be the better of the two for you. Susan's Place seems to be mostly older transgender adults.)

The main thing is, at least from my perspective, don't simply try to ignore this or keep hiding in the closet, so to speak, any longer than is necessary. If I had known what I know now when I was young, & if conditions had been what they are now, I'd have run toward transition. My best wishes to you...