Dear T,

I wish you would have just told me how you felt last Friday. Would that have been so hard? I feel hurt, like maybe you believe I was asking something inappropriate. It’s like S was saying, I wanted to have a shared dialogue about what happened and you were making it all about me. I get that it’s my therapy about my problems... but bro, you’re in the room too. Your personhood, your frikking dignity ffs, matters to me. I dunno if you were embarrassed for tearing up and hiding behind your professional obligation to me or if you genuinely did not understand what I could possibly be curious about or what. I don’t even know what I wanted from you. But I’m awfully disappointed that I didn’t get it. I wish you would have just given it to me, or at least helped me figure it out.

I want to cancel our next session, withdraw from you. I don’t know if I’m withdrawing because I’m hurt or to punish you or both? Probably both.

I hope you won’t be mad that I brought this up in group with S. I didn’t tell them about the other time you cried because I didn’t want to embarrass you.

Ya know, we talked about that just fine without you clamming up. Wtf was today about?

-c