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Cyran0 said:
So, if I might, I'd like to summarize this as saying "smart people hide their anxiety better, seem more capable, and subsequently don't get the same level of attention/care." Is that what you're saying?
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Not exactly. Thought it may be true that 'smart' people can indeed hide their anxiety better or perhaps utilise mechanisms that would give the impression ,alibi illusory, that anxiety isn't much of an issue.
I would define myself as 'erratically intelligent' as opposed to 'smart' or not
'smart'.
The mental health professionals i see for short periods at a time have got me pegged as 'highly intelligent' (their words)because in that short period of time certain attributes are to the fore and more readily noticeable ie a high verbal intelligence and the fact i'm quite knowledgeable.
Coupled with that high verbal intelligence is a decidely lower non verbal intelligence/performance intelligence with barely average(and that's being liberal)visuospatial abilities and problems of an executive functioning nature(organising and planning).
For example when it comes to executive functioning i have great difficulty planning how to do something that requires a multi step approach.
When you are 'erratically intelligent' as i am it gets very frustrating and demoralising when expectations are based on your intellectual strong points to the exclusion of your weak points.
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Cyran0 said:
If so, I get that. I'm known for my intelligence, creativity, and communication skills. So to the world, and to mental health professionals, I usually seem to be functioning better than I really am. It's tough and so I work hard to make my therapist aware of this problem by saying things like, "just because I articulate my thoughts well doesn't mean I don't feel crippled by them" or "it's safe to assume I'm usually only showing about a tenth of what I'm actually feeling." This helps because my therapist then knows that I'm minimizing everything to get by.
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I don't have a therapist. Last 'therapy' i had was over a year ago and very belatedly(ie 35+ years from developing such issues and the recognition of such to the point of offering help) for my anxiety/social anxiety issues.
Almost straight off even before she told me that i needed 'intensive therapy' she told me she wasn't qualified as such and could only do a sticking plaster job.
She tried a CBT approach which i found hard due to critical thinking difficulties but which she chose to see as my having a negative mindset.
This being despite my making a point of attending every session with her.
After a while she dropped the bombshell that she was, in her words,a member of a religious group.
Not long after that i collated a load of stuff to enable her to understand me
re the anxiety etc.
She took exception due to her religious sensibilities to one sentence out of 30 odd pages of collated stuff, in as chronological an order as i could manage, and reported me to my care co ordinator.
Next thing,very conveniently,she went on holiday for three weeks and then she was due back i was told her workload had been reduced and i had been dropped.
Since then not a sniff of therapy.
The only other time i was offered help for the anxiety was eight or so years ago and was something that i couldn't realistically take up . Let's just say it would have involved travelling somewhere that was unfamiliar and out the way for me and any possible benefits would have been negated by the anxiety and panic that would have induced.
I did ask if i could be seen at a mental health centre closer to home but that fell on deaf ears.
Several years a new mh centre opened about 3-4 minutes from the tower block i live in which doesn't present such difficulties for me.
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Cyran0 said:
But you should also appreciate that your intelligence is a great strength and it is helping you get by. Imagine how much worse your life would be without that asset. Try to be grateful for it and disclose what you need to in order to get the care you need.
Cyran0
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To disclose is easier said than done given the amount of face to face interaction i get with a mental heath professional and that aside, even when there is the means of disclosing, having it taken on board is a whole different kettle of fish.