Hi all,

I'm having a really hard time since my last hospitalization recognizing any of the stages of my bipolar. I can't tell if my medicine is doing a great job of holding me in balance or if I've lost the ability to understand my balance or a dozen other scenarios. I ask a lot of questions, and keep doubting myself and asking more.

I've had bad news at work this week, and its affecting me. I'm constantly agitated and taking it out on everyone. I don't feel manic in any way, but this agitation is here, and living strong and its bubbly. It turns to anger quickly. I'm trying so hard to prevent that but I don't really have coping skills when it comes to anger. My T is pretty useless so far. I'm going to have to tell her that in next week's session. I ordered a few DBT workbooks tonight. I will give these full attention when they arrive.

So I'm asking a few things here. One, what is agitation a sign of? Mania? Depression? Neither? Both? I'm still trying to label things here. I just want to understand. Maybe my meds are holding me out of mania and depression both. I just don't know. I'm exhausted at this stage from trying to be on guard against this agitation.

The second thing... I'm dancing a fine line between agitation/irration and anger. Does anyone have a technique for putting anger on the back seat until they can deal with it safely... like not at work? or not directly in front of your kids? I'm looking for any ideas...

Thank you for reading.