I feel like total s***, but at least I dragged my @ss to the pharmacy to pick up my meds. If I didn't go today, I would run out by tomorrow morning (since I take some pills 2x a day), so I guess I didn't have much of a choice unless I want to spend a long time wallowing in my own misery because of a lack of meds.

I do not foresee myself getting better anytime soon, unfortunately. I am deep into this depression and now I am starting to feel guilty about not going bike riding with my parents this morning. I was too depressed to go today, so I lied and said that I was doing some work on my bikes. But now they want to go again, tomorrow, on Father's Day. I hope the temperature is really hot again so that I can say it's too hot for me to go, or something stupid like that. I just need an excuse. Pathetic, I know, but I have tried doing exercise when heavily depressed and I usually end up stopping and sitting down somewhere because I want to cry (although I am too depressed to cry right now, but that could change). So I don't want to ruin their experience. I already almost ruined the weekend when we went kayaking a few years back, but thankfully, they didn't notice my deep, dark feelings. I did a good job of faking being happy, but I do not think I could do it again. It wears on me and I just feel worse afterwards.