Was just talking to fiancé about this morning when I asked him to come back home to help me. But he didn’t want to miss work. I told him I was in so much pain and I almost fell down the stairs dragging myself to the car at 4am to goto the ER. When I called my dad right before, I told him I was upset that fiancé wanted to goto work/needed to, instead of helping me and my dad told me I don’t understand and that he needs to goto work. That hurt me in my heart.

I was telling fiancé that every emergency I’ve had my dad hasn’t missed a day of work over. Which has crushed me in the past because I almost died from *sui* and he still didn’t miss work. Not by choice but by not wanting to get fired. Fiancé is like my dad in every single way, unfortunately and yet good I GUESS...

I was crushed this morning by fiancé. My dad was gonna come up but I told him not to, that’d I’d just take myself...

I had told fiancé maybe a 2 weeks ago that I have abandonment issues. My dad worked 3 jobs when I was a kid and I only saw him on the weekends. My mom actively didnt pay attention to me and left my dad when I was 14. Just up and didn’t come back. I didn’t hear from her for 3/4 years after that. Didn’t know where she went. Like I literally woke up to goto school and she had left in the middle of the night.

That and other scenarios with them and other non-family/friends is why I get so upset about people not talking to me on a regular basis. I’m afraid they are not wanting me around anymore, don’t care about me, and want nothing to do with me.