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Old Jun 20, 2020, 03:02 PM
IceCreamKid IceCreamKid is offline
Grand Magnate
 
Member Since: Jan 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 3,260
Quote:
Originally Posted by DarkDevil26 View Post
The club(s) met I just felt I couldn’t really fit in. I tried talking to people but it was just awkward and I didn’t really make any friends in the few weeks I went. I didn’t feel I fit in with the group. I would often keep to myself and just not talk to anyone because I was just too scared to really do anything about it. I couldn’t find common ground for topics to talk about. You’d think that I would because its a club where people share common interests. Nope, didn’t turn out to be the case.

Women weren’t even my priority, I just couldn’t make any connections, and because I felt so awkward and out of place, I just stopped going. I gave up. Because it was mentally straining to go and just sit there quietly because I was too anxious. Even when I go out with friends now I shut down and don’t really talk to anyone because I just can’t relate to people and I’m not confident in my ability to socialize. I guess thats a really deep self esteem issue. In the end, I have zero self esteem, zero self confidence, and I hate myself in almost every regard. So yeah I guess thats whats stopping me.
Thank you for sharing that with me. You offered deep insight. You've clearly thought about what the problem is and that really is half the battle. It could have been that particular gaming group wasn't the right fit for you interest-wise, but you also realize that part of it was you didn't talk to anyone.

I wonder if this will help you? When I was in school I used to die a thousand deaths during presentations. One day I asked this young woman next to me something (I had not heard what was said) and she replied, "I don't know; I wasn't listening; I am too worried about getting up there myself." What was interesting was how pretty she was, how put together --how she always seemed to have the right answer. (I realized later that when she volunteered to answer <--it was because she knew she had the right answer. Call me slow on the uptake.)

That day I decided 'what the heck--I'm going to enjoy myself' and I went up and gave my presentation looking at people in the eye, smiling at them, asking questions of them, answering questions and telling each who participated that I thought they made good points. When I was done I thanked them for their attention. With each presentation I got more and more comfortable and more and more into presenting stuff.

In turn, when others presented stuff I paid attention to what they said; I looked interested in their topic, and if I could I asked an intelligent question--especially of the ones where no one else did. As we were leaving I told various classmates how interesting I thought their topics were.

I did all this because I always thought of myself as a failure; and in fact I was a failure in many ways. But this time, I was either going to master this or give up trying -- anything -- ever again.

Let me just say I was awkward and out of place. I wasn't at all like the others. But I kept trying. I knew it was going to take concentrated effort.

When I go places now, I rarely come away without having had some sort of a pleasant exchange with someone. I have had a heart-felt exchange with you here and learned something and felt like I contributed something myself.

Now I have a couple of friends who have anxiety. One of my friends sees a counselor and she also takes medication (she has depression, too). She's beautiful and smart--to look at her you'd never think she struggled over anything.

The other friend is a little older and she recognizes that her anxiety is worse sometimes than it is at other times.

If you have not thought about getting professional help with anxiety, I would encourage you. It helped me; it helped my friend.

I would also encourage you to open up to your friends. Say to them "you know, sometimes ...I feel as though I cannot relate to people and I’m not confident in my ability to socialize" ... then ask "do you ever feel that way?"

Your friends might laugh. They may all deny ever feeling that way.

But I am fairly certain that inside at least one--if not all of them -- can relate to that. And what do you have to lose by expressing something from the heart?

You can come here and tell people here what is on your mind. There are others--likely young like yourself -- who can offer their insights and opinions too.

Thank you for replying to me. I hope I have helped even if it was just to listen.