You're very well-spoken (well-written?) here. That's a good start. Of course I am not girlfriend material, I am old enough to be your grandma. But, I've dated, gotten married and all that so I know a few things about romance and relationships. Not all people find college rewarding in a personal sense. Mine was only rewarding in the way I described to you--and that was just a few years ago. When I was young, college (when I went the first time) was miserable. So I get that. I was even told the same things you were when I was in high school; that I was unattractive, fat, a loser.

So. The thing about life is it is so incremental; and also the thing about the successes in life -- well you know they come about because people have connections and get a leg up that way; or they get 'lucky' in that they are in the right place at the right time (for whatever it is) or they work and work and work and work and gain success little by little. For me it was definitely going to be that last one--working and working and little by little but I am starting to run out of life--just stating a fact here for myself.

But you--well, you still have time. You know my friend with the anxiety (the beautiful one) she lamented to me just the other day "I'm going to be 30 soon". Here is what I told her: "The way I see it, you've only been an adult for 12 years." <--and that was being generous. 18 is still pretty much a teen, even if legally it is adult.

That young woman who came out to you? She thought enough of you to tell you something very personal. The way I see that--hmmm. Wonder if she has any straight young women she can introduce you to?

A couple of things come to mind. If you do not think your therapist or counselor is helping; please discuss that with them. Ask for different strategies, or the possibility of switching to another. I hope you are being forthright about your angry feelings--it's ok to tell that.

And if you think what you have done so far has not worked for you--how about choosing one or two things, and thinking of another strategy to see if that would work better?

You might laugh at this--go ahead. I told a friend of mine--and she laughed. I used to have math anxiety. I was in a math class and finally I thought -- "hey I am paying for this class" and the teacher seemed nice enough so I told him that. He did not laugh. In fact he kind of brightened up and he said "Really? Oh, you might want to look at this website, and you might want to read" (some article) "and if that does not help, let me know and I can come up with some others..." I did what he suggested. And it helped. Did it turn me into Einstein? Oh, heck no. But I stopped freezing like a deer in the headlights when I took a test.

If the medication isn't helping--you can tell your doctor and try another.

You don't say what you are doing about school now--is it in class or all online? I mean you might have to wait until the virus eases up before you can put all your strategies in place.

So how about this. Consider asking one of your friends if they know any nice single gals. And practice your pick up lines. "Would you like to get a coffee this afternoon?" is always a good one. You aren't proposing marriage. The person can say no without it being a big deal. And I assure you that many young people are not as experienced as they would like people to believe. The thing is--it's always new with each person you romance anyway.

Another thing that might be helpful is to write down how you feel, what you feel. I used to do this. Have you thought of writing down what high school was like, then sealing those sheets of paper into an envelope, then putting that envelope at the back of your sock drawer? It's a symbolic way to close that chapter of your life. Then, on a new sheet of paper, write one good thing about yourself--write more if you like. Put that in your wallet. I had one little strip of paper on my work station right at eye level. I kept that there for years. I would read it and rub my finger over the words. You might not want your good words on display, so I suggested the wallet, but if you do; pin it up where you will see it every day.

Thank goodness we only have to be responsible for one day at a time, huh? I hope you do one good thing for yourself today. And I hope tomorrow is better. Thanks for communicating with me. I was feeling pretty low. I feel better now. I hope this exchange has made you feel a little better too.