Yeah actually I think I'm an optimist. I confuse it with nihilism.. Optimistic nihilism..

I remember saying to a psychologist, "I'm an optimistic misanthrope".

When I first told my mom that I was depressed when I was 16, she got me to write down 5 or so things that I'm hopeful for - I wrote them down. She said "You're not depressed".

So I suppose it's negative symptoms of schizophrenia idk. My therapist said that she can't picture or imagine me being depressed like I explain how I was. So Idk