I've always wondered, when someone has a falling out with a friend or even a romantic partner and the person claims they never actually liked the person, is that a defense mechanism? Basically, a way to hide the fact that they were hurt by the other person or that they want others to believe they are over it? I've seen people do this all the time. A friend will have a falling out with someone else and sometime afterwards, they claim they never truly liked them and may even say they were lying to themselves about liking the other person. This seems to happen the most when it's a falling out between two romantic partners or two people that used to be best friends.

The reason I believe it is a defense mechanism is because they would always want to be around that person and talk about how much they like them. Then as soon as a falling out occurs, they may show some sigs of hurt feelings and anger, but then afterwards, they will claim they're over it and that, looking back, they never truly liked the person. I have a friend that even claimed she only called someone else a best friend out of politeness. I know it's a defense mechanism since when she hung out with her ex-friend, she loved being around her.

I can understand why some people may do this. It's a way to deal with their emotions and hide the fact that they may still have some resentment or hurt feelings towards the person. It could also be their way to help themselves move on from the person by looking at only the negative aspects of their personality. Yes, there are times where someone may truly not be a good friend and it does feel good to break away from them. I've had that feeling, it's like a weight being lifted off your shoulders, but it's different when you clearly were good friends with someone and then things just turn sour.

This can even happen between someone who likes someone else, but then gets rejected. One of my friends once liked a coworker who turned out to not like her back the same way. She was angry and hurt, but now she claims she never liked him and that she was lying to herself the whole time. The reason I can tell if it's a defense coping strategy is because if she ever brings up the guy she liked or the friend she had a falling out with, she is still angry. I've seen this with many people, not just with one person. When this happens, I always figure that they actually still feel hurt and angry and that they truly liked whoever they had a falling out with.