I was 43 when I was about 4 weeks fresh out of IP for suicidal thoughts and on meds that were not doing much yet . My T leaned back in his chair and said... You have Bipolar. I remember think WHAT??? then immediatly I saw my life flash in front of me and said Oooooooooooooo Well that sure explains alot !

I wasnt thrilled to get my Bipolar badge but it helped explain struggles I had over my whole life. I think in some ways people that are older like me, Hearing Bipolar we can see it was in Neon flashing lights, When I was young they didn't really start looking at Bipolar like Pdocs and T's do now. We also didnt have the internet at our fingers to go searching out info, We had to drag ourselves to the library and get heavy as hell encyclopedias and fumble through the pages ...

I would have depressions and that would get me draggng into my doctors office and on a AD and then in a few weeks I'd be going up and that felt great.. Back then I have periods of time were I was hypo/manic for almost a year.. So Id get tired of taking the med .. Why did I need it I felt great???? Well then I'd find my self weeks to months later going back to my regular Doctor and back on an AD I'd go.

If accepting the word " Bipolar " is too much.. maybe break it down by accepting your have XYZ symptoms.. Like I struggle with Anxiety so Im going to work on that. Or I striuggle with feeling Up/down so how can I work on that with my providers..

There are many parts of me that really wish it had been seen in my younger years, I could have gotten help sooner and not had so much trauma and crap to sort out in Therapy decades later. I was diagnosed BP and my 19 year old daughter was diagnosed 3 months later, Shes had struggles but she and I are both grateful hers was caught early and shes doing well, She has some rough times and she digs down deep and fights for stability at times. Be she treats herself with kindness and she knows this is a chemical imbalance and its nothing to be ashamed of..

But its okay to be angry and pissed off that you have a mental illness, Thats a perfectly okay feeling or feeling hopeless..

Take it day by day