Oh god I'm so disconnected from society. I'm disconnected from everyone and everything.

Edit: It's all just too much information for me to handle. Everything I see, feel, think - The incoming data of reality is so expected at the same time that it happens.. For me.. For my life.

The cynic philosopher really got to me. He explained that reality is fake and now what do I do? I have to pretend that it isn't. I want to go back to not knowing my perception that it is fake - It's completely real for anyone else and if I was someone else, that's where I want to be - With time and change.

There's such terrible unaware people. And I'm kind of lured my Satan. I'm kind of possessed by Satan.. Maybe.. The cynic philosopher is Satanic.

I can't help myself. I try so hard. I'm just trying to stay stable and afloat, yet I try to go beyond myself - To achieve something extreme. Like mania - And I break down spiralling into hell.

There's so many things that I know and I don't judge anyone - But people are ****ed. There's a vibe of energy everywhere that I can't explain. I'm sure that I'm not hallucinating everything because I get clues of logic that tell me otherwise - Of what is real.. But I'm a mystic by nature. I love disconnecting from reality - Doesn't that partially make me a God? A little bit..

I just need help. I don't know why I suffer so greatly - Hopefully it's normal to suffer this much.. Although it would be great if I could get to a point where I realize - Through coincidence and magic that spontaneously, it's not normal to suffer like this.