I know going back and forth between in-person and video sessions is triggering me, and (now) I know that in-person caused me to feel frantic and puts pressure on us because I feel like I jave to make the most of my time. However, I still want to do in-person sessions. I miss seeing her, the non-verbal language, and especially her hugs.

That is the one thing that is keeping me from totally freaking out: her hugs. After Friday's session, she gave me one of the best hugs ever. She had one hand on my head and the other rubbing my back. That is the L I know and love. In that moment, she "got" me. And that is why I don't want to give up in-person.