Thank you for your responses, I wasn't really expecting to hear some of that, particularly Bill3 and OpenEyes. To be honest I often feel like I think about myself TOO much, which is why I downplay this problem and bottle it up so much. I ask myself things like "why should I force him into sex if he doesn't want to just to satisfy myself?"

I just want to say first that I am no saint either, I have my fair share of mental problems and most definitely still have depression that I've been suffering from since my early teens due to family problems. There's help that I need but do not have the means to seek at the moment & I try my best to be vigilant of my bad behaviors but whether or not I'm actually good at it I couldn't say. If conflict arises I well up most of the time and cry, I can't control it and I hate how it makes me look. I feel a tingling in my throat and it all comes flooding out. I know this bothers my boyfriend immensely and he wants me to just stop the tears on the spot, he has indirectly told me in the past that its crying to win the argument or something of that notion. Idk if he's experienced this with one of his previous girlfriends or something.

He's actually just arrived home from work, he greeted me as normal as if things haven't been super tense over the last few days. This is the part that usually makes me wanna snap, almost as if I wish I could let it go as easily as he seemingly does. He can't have forgotten? He must know that there is still something actively on my chest?

To answer the question of if he could possibly be gay, he's never given me the impression that he's gay or hiding his sexuality. He's had girlfriends before me and it's been implied by his friends that he was seeing several girls (not at once, I assume like hookups or dating but not serious) before he met me. I get that people can be so deep in their act that they do continue to date but I just don't see that from knowing him personally. He was recently gossiped about by his last manager though calling him gay and I know that's really bothered him, but all she had to go off was the fact that he's cheerful and wears skinny jeans - which is ridiculous imo - rather than any real reason to think someone is gay. idk.

Sometimes I do wonder if he has depression/anxiety issues, but it would be difficult to try and talk to him about it. We don't really talk about my depression because it's hard to get myself across, so I usually just tell him it's a "bad day", because it is. So since it's hard enough to talk about my own depression issues, which I have tried to be open about, I'm skeptical of him just shutting down again the moment I mention the possibility he has something going on. He's very much a man who self medicates and I've tried to get him to just go the bloody doctors in the past about minor issues to no avail.

For those asking what I see in him, I really do love this man. We share common interests, he is funny, sweet & always tries to do his best for others. The man I describe is him lets say idk 5% of the time, it's not a lot but it's important enough to me that it impacts the route of our relationship. I fell in love with him because we have a lot of fun together and he always tried to make sure I was smiling/laughing. These issues have arisen since I moved in, which others have said this is normal for your sex life to calm down once you're both living together, but I also expect to be able to talk about sex like it's not big deal, cuz it isn't.

I chose the handle TinyWhinyWitch because I am short, I complain a lot and I like witchy things :') I don't see it as derogatory or even self deprecation but maybe that's another judge of my character haha. I don't want to get too personal about my hobbies in case I become recognisable at all but I do have my own hobbies and friends BUT mostly online since I moved up to my bfs town where I don't know anyone & with coronavirus, I haven't seen any of my friends since February. I think the isolation has contributed to the way I feel and the length of my tether, let's say.