About three weeks later:

I am not sure why I had such a big "meltdown" and started this thread. I think perhaps I was looking for outside help and it wasn't forthcoming. I became very discouraged. My family of origin is not very emotionally available. It is disappointing. I am also generally disappointed in my subpar health care provider. I am not one to play the mental health care merry-go-round of trying to find the right medication and the right therapist. I know the medication that works perfectly for me and if they won't prescribe it to hell with them. I spoke with two different counselors at my health care provider about my anxiety and both were useless. It's hard to believe these people have advanced degrees.

Fortunately I can get a little joy as a member of several online communities. I have always been part of online communities (others beyond this one - in areas of my many interests) and have online friends and enjoy communicating with them...but I never considered the Internet a replacement for real life connections. I am now in week 12 of quarantine by myself.

After the "meltdown" a few weeks ago I did what I always do...grit my teeth...and dug deep for inner reserves. I did a lot of writing including some freelance work, engaged in more physical exercise, and listened to a lot of music. I applied exercises from my anxiety workbooks and cognitive behavioural therapy workbooks.

This is a ridiculously tough time for everyone. I have now accepted that it is tough...and I simply don't have much support. It is what it is.

It seemed my adult son and I were both going through rough patches so it was hard while talking on the phone. He is in a major city and his girlfriend was joining many protests while he is uncomfortable being in big crowds and is not the kind of person to protest. There was a lot of violence and looting in his city. His girlfriend was on the phone constantly talking about the protests and organizing groups of friends to join more protests. It made my son very anxious - and I would also think a bit neglected. Hopefully now that she has gone back to work she has less free time to continually protest. My son also got into an accident while riding his bike to work. A motorcyclist ran into him. He wasn't seriously hurt but his expensive bike was wrecked and it ramped up his anxiety. I had to be there for him and put my own problems aside.

I take the herb valerian for anxiety sometimes but not often. I am a vegetarian but honestly don't feel any foods reduce anxiety. I don't feel any different since giving up meat and fish and becoming a vegetarian, and it has been several years. The only exception is non-alcoholic beer. I think the hops in non-alcoholic beer is calming...but certainly not enough to tame down a serious anxiety attack. I am trying to tackle problems as they come up. As I am all alone I need to strengthen my self-efficacy. I have recommitted to personal goals.

Mainly I am trying to avoid "meltdowns" as it is too hard to bounce back. I think I am handling things better. Thanks to all for your comments and suggestions.