I’ve been in a relationship for 6 years. We have broken up and made up several times. We moved in together 2 months ago and I guess when it went from experiencing his outbursts 2-3 times a week versus every single day, it got to be too much. I packed a bag and left.

I started researching, reading and reaching out on different forums to get help figuring out what to do about my fiancé who rages regularly, talks over me, tells me what to wear, is furious if my opinion is different, and then tells me I’m too sensitive and crazy. The concept of emotional abuse came up.

I am trying to gather the strength to leave but I am still too scared - scared of being alone and scared of his reaction. I just started individual therapy but my partner has been absolutely forcing couples therapy, while also having several rage episodes about me moving back in. I’ve managed to keep pushing back on the moving back part, but I caved on the therapy to stop the yelling.

My concern is that I keep reading couples therapy is a bad idea in our situation and will only make things worse. I am too scared to tell him I don’t want to do it and drained of dealing with the tantrums that will follow. I feel like I have no choice but to go to our first session tonight. I’m scared he’s going to play a role of being this really nice, good listener and patient person, totally manipulating the situation and making me look crazy. I also know that if the therapist so much as makes the slightest suggestion that I need to do or change something, it’s going to be used against me to no end as proof that I’m at fault.

I’m scared because there’s really no way I can even be honest about how I feel during our session, he’s going to lose it on me afterwards if I tell the truth. So I’m going to have to sit there for an hour and basically minimize. My question is, is there any way or anything I can do to let our couples therapist know what is really going on here or how I feel without just coming out with it? I am so hoping she willl pick up on it somehow and refuse to see us, instead asking us to continue individual therapy. But I am so so worried she won’t see it at all, and that until I can get the strength to leave, it’s just going to turn into guilt trips and attacks. Please help.