psychris... i kind of agree with kiya... but i am not sure that you were saying that drinking and drugs would be a better choice...just that some people think that... am i right?..i am thinking about what you said about suicide and part of me agrees with you... i do get to that really dark place... to be honest i am there right now... where i have to remind myself that i don't really want to die... but i don't want to live either... not to upset anyone... please know... i am not going to act on it... just saying that is where i am at present... and i plan to share that with my t tomorrow... in the past when i cut... it would keep me from getting to this place ... i know that sounds off... but it's the truth... that is why when i feel myself slipping into this place ... i think the urges get so strong... when i cut it numbs me and i can just go away for a bit... and not feel the fear and panic... ironically.... sometimes it's enough to keep me safe ... i am trying to find new ways to get out of the dark... but the urges are still there...lyn