'It's no wonder that many people with bipolar disorder become unable to finish huge projects, especially if other responsibilities are assumed, as well. The mountain is too high. Extreme insanity fully set in. Eventual panic, mental overheating/spontaneous combustion. Avalanche. Screaming. Violence or self-harm.'

^^^^^^^ This

I am fairly ambitious in general. I'm known for my productivity and ability to multitask. Before I had my breakdown I was extremely caught up in an effort that there was no way possible for me to 'fix' despite my attempts to 'save' everyone involved. The hero complex was a major fail. I am no hero.

Luckily I did not suffer major depression afterward, but there was a huge mess to clean up, tons of shame to wade through, lots to learn, and many changes to make.

Some people call what I experienced 'the dark night of the soul'. My hyperfocus led me to it or at least blinded me such that I couldn't see it coming. The project of self transformation that resulted from it may just be my best work yet though. Who knows... Life is essentially one big project. This phase feels more rewarding and healthier than the last.

I think there is a lot of good that can come from these tendencies when we learn to channel and throttle them properly. We are so very passionate. That can be a gift to ourselves and the world when we learn to harness it for good and not destruction. It can be good when we can see the difference between real change that adds value and the dysfunction of the ego.

xRavenx, you have nothing to be embarassed about, but if you need a place to talk about this regularly, this is a good one. You're amongst friends that truly get it. Thanks for the thread.