I got my first installment of my inheritance today so now I can proudly say I am 100% debt free. Sure, no hard work of my own, but it is such a relief to not have my ridiculously high credit card/ loan payments anymore. Paying that $7000 surgery for my cat really set me back. I even paid off my car! Now I’ve got $400 less to pay every month. I will be able to make rent without scraping the bottom of the barrel every month.

The rest of the money is going into a growth investment portfolio managed by my Nana’s financial advisor because I know jack **** about investing. I have plans for that money eventually; buying a house, paying for our wedding, paying for my son’s orthodontics, etc.

RS and I were talking last night because we’ve been playing around looking at houses but I wanted to talk to him seriously about it. Like when, where, how much. We agreed that we’d like to wait a couple of years until my son’s ready to transition into middle school to avoid having to switch his elementary school for the third time. We are staying in the town we are in now because I don’t want to leave my mother. My brother is already effectively abandoning her by moving to the beach. I get it, he doesn’t have a good relationship with her. But I couldn’t imagine taking my son away from her. She would be devastated. I have a better relationship with her. We’re not like typical mother-daughter, like I don’t have long conversations with her or anything but we’re on good terms. I’d like to stay close by.

During our talk, I told RS I’d like to be engaged before seriously looking for a house. He let is slip that he had been planning to propose on our vacation (which was supposed to be this week) but coronavirus messed it up. He said he’s not giving up his plan b though. But I’m so happy. That means he really was thinking about it.

I’m going to have the life I only dreamed of with my late husband. Yes, we did get married, sure, but he took over most of the wedding and demanded many things (although I had to do all of the actual work). This time I’ll have more of a say. And RS and I will be homeowners, and my son will have a proper, drug free father figure. My credit isn’t wrecked and I’m not scraping up every penny and begging to borrow money simply because my partner for life is hiding his drug habit and using all of our money. This is what I dreamed about before my Late husband fell prey to drugs and I fell prey to uncontrolled bipolar.

It’s as if all the bad was leading up to this proper life. Me, stable, and RS, stable, both of us with stable jobs and saving money and ready to start our lives together. I don’t know if I ever could have gotten here with my late husband.

Anyway, sorry to ramble on, I’m just so thankful.