I dont want to go to bed tonight. Its about 1.22am and Im
knackered and Im scared of going to bed... to be on my
own... in that dark place.

Last night was awful. I dont know what it was what
triggered it but I was laid awake for hours thinking about
some stuff from the past. I dont look back often... I
almost stop myself from doing it, because I promised I
wouldnt. The pain hurts too much. I have no memory of most
of the stuff from the past, but sometimes memories pop up
out of nowhere, returning to haunt me... and then its as
soon as the next day, they are forgotten about again.

Ive really suprised myself by lasting this long without
cutting...I think its been 33 days now, Im not sure. I have
even stopped overdosing on painkillers (for those who have
read some previous posts, you'll know what Im talking
about)... I still get urges but recently I have been
holding them in the back of my mind. I have a feeling, if
everything goes well, that this week is going to be a bit
easier, but Im holding my breath on that thought.

I think im going to go up now, because i wont get out of
bed tomorrow again, and I really want to try and do
something with my day. But I'm scared to be alone and wide
awake, and Im terrified of drifting off to sleep incase the
nightmares come back.

Im feeling a bit down tonight. I just wanna curl up and cry but Im not sure why. Im feeling really touchy at the mo

Im exhausted.