I feel like I'm not in tune with antipsychotics right now - Like I'm not aware of their zombie effects.

In the past, I'd knock myself out with 8mg of risperidone due to agitated mania/psychosis (I know now this is very dangerous because of neuroleptic malignant syndrome) which would help for 2-3 days and then I'd do it again.

But then I was prescribed (3mg?) in the hospital in 2017 and I've never felt so terrible. I had zero thoughts and emotions.

I think of the olanzepine like a benzo. I notice that the mind state on how you view the medication or even expectations of the effects can alter how you react.. Such as pain sensitivity, awareness of self, the external environment such as the world, amount of paranoia, etc.. I've built a tolerance because I haven't taken olanzepine in about 6 months until the injection was lowered and I took 7.5-10mg on Christmas of 2019 - It made my psychosis completely go away - I wasn't scared of the comedy on TV and could laugh again.. But I needed to lie down and eventually fell asleep.