Quote:
Originally Posted by Anabana
I’m scared because there’s really no way I can even be honest about how I feel during our session, he’s going to lose it on me afterwards if I tell the truth. So I’m going to have to sit there for an hour and basically minimize. My question is, is there any way or anything I can do to let our couples therapist know what is really going on here or how I feel without just coming out with it? I am so hoping she willl pick up on it somehow and refuse to see us, instead asking us to continue individual therapy. But I am so so worried she won’t see it at all, and that until I can get the strength to leave, it’s just going to turn into guilt trips and attacks. Please help.
|
Can you tell the therapist exactly what your fears are? That he will lose his temper on you after the session, that he is playing nice in front of the therapist, but that behind closed doors he is a different person and you are afraid of him?
I am facing some similar issues in my marriage right now. My husband is on and off abusive, he explodes on me in abusive rages, just like your partner does, and I am seriously considering divorce (I most likely WILL divorce him). I can tell you this: it has NOT gotten better, despite his promises to me that he will not explode on me anymore. He promised before the wedding that he would never raise his voice at me again, and he has, about a dozen or more times since then. The patterns of behavior keep repeating themselves. I, too, see couples therapy as a waste of time because I believe he will dance around a therapist and will manipulate her into thinking I am the problem. Because that's what he does: he blames ME for his issues.
Good for you for not moving back in with him again. DON'T. You already know the patterns of behavior.... he won't improve unless he can fully acknowledge his issues to the therapist and honestly and earnestly tries to work on improving. Even then, it would be a very long process towards full healing and recovery for him. But it doesn't seem he even realizes he has problems. Abusers rarely admit their abuse.
The questions you have to ask yourself are:
Am I happy in this relationship?
Is this person enhancing my life or detracting from it?