As you can see my counter is gone. I'm sorry everyone..I am so sorry. I couldn't do it. I knew today was the day I would cave. With all the horrible dreams I have been having about my dead grandmother, with all of the flashbacks of the car wreck, with all of the surreal feelings I have been havings I just couldn't do it...I just couldn't. I hate myself so much right now..by hurting myself I have hurt all of you. You have all been so wonderful and supportive and I didnt' make it to my goal.I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry. I feel like I'm going to explode..how much longer do I have to feel like this..how much longer must I suffer. I'm tired of hiding my madness..I want to scream..I want to cry...I just want to give into it all..I'm tired of trying to hold on to what little sanity I have..I just want to explode and show everyone how messed up I really am..That I fear everything, That sometimes I hear voices, That I have nightmares, that I am scared of myself, that I beleve in the end everyone really hates me and is out to get me, that I am useless, That I have a hole in my heart, in my chest, in my soul, I'm sorry everyone..I am truly sorry I let all of you down. I have to go or I'll bust into tears and then my parents will ask questions I can't afford to answer.
Once again I'm sorry.