I feel sickened by this whole entire situation. I am absolutely sick over it. What's most sickening and toxic to me is that right now, he's being an angel. But I know the monster that dwells inside of him, who is just sitting there very quietly waiting to bust out at any time. And I never know when it will bust out.... it makes me on edge. This is what they call the "grooming" or "honeymoon" phase in an abusive relationship. Things are stable and good, and then wham! They blow up again. That's been the pattern.

And when I previously wrote that we had six months recently where things were a lot better and smoother? I was wrong! I looked back in my journal and recalled the fights that DID occur during that time. They were all over various holidays too, when we were supposed to visit with my parents or family members. He did not attend Thanksgiving dinner because we fought and he was too angry with me, so he hurt me by not coming to my family's holiday dinner, we fought over new years and it almost ruined the night, then we fought again the day of my aunt's bday party and he threatened not to come. Then we fought when we visited HIS family in Florida, and I almost flew home.

So it wasn't all smooth waters, as I had thought. It's just that he hadn't yelled at me in the same nature as before, escalating fights into a knock down drag out fight. He hadn't done that in a while until over a hairbrush.