Okay, I read enough to get some background. You aren't talking about physical abuse which is a whole other thing. My ex was never physically abusive. It was a pattern of love-bombing, sulking, raging, more sulking, and repeat.

I think there is a lot of ambivalence and ambiguity when intense relationships end.

My ex and I still did stuff together. I remember once we went on an evening hike in the mountains. I thought I saw a mountain lion and screamed and grabbed his hand. It was just a shadow. But it was so humiliating because he was no longer my protector but rather the person making my life hell.

I also want to add I started going out by myself a lot. I formed new friendships, and was part of a very vibrant spiritual community, and took an evening class. I had normally been a homebody so he was bothered by my going out. I had a separate phone line installed in my bedroom. When he heard it ringing he would say sarcastically, "Is that one of your new boyfriends?"

I don't think this is an uncommon story. I think a lot of divorced people go through this. And we had been together for 25 years, and married for 20.

Going out and having my own interests and friends really helped me. He sulked a lot but I wasn't around to see it. And as well...he had double standards...as he traveled a lot and I never asked him about his life on-the-road.

It's sad.


But you will get through it. Have hope!