@DechanDawa THANK YOU.

I've only been married one year! Crazy. It all fell apart really fast.

He has not physically been abusive in that he's never raised a hand to me, he's never shoved me, and he's never hit or kicked me. BUT, that being said, he HAS used physical force to keep me in bed when I've tried to get up. People are telling me that that by itself IS physical abuse. He uses force and strength to hold me down, and I struggle to break free yet he doesn't allow me to unless I say I have to use the bathroom. He hasn't done this in a long time though, and I think it's mainly because his back problem is preventing him from doing so.

Still..... it freaks me out to think that he's actually been physically abusive too.

It's mainly verbal and emotional abuse. And it's not a constant. It's periodic - off and on. Thank goodness it's not a constant, or else I'd probably be looking for shelters.

What I AM doing is I am creating and strengthening my support network. I've finally told my parents and I am informing several of my closest friends. I will need all the support and strength I can gather, so that's my first step.

I also spent 1:1 time this weekend with a new-ish girlfriend, and plan on doing more of that, but not so noticeably that he suddenly thinks or suspects there's a problem. I don't want to send his alerts up.

I am definitely protecting myself, my self esteem, and my mental health as much as I can. That's my top priority right now.

And I do set limits and boundaries with him, whenever he crosses them. He knows where the line is drawn at this stage.

I would like to start exercising again and I would like to perhaps try guided meditations to help me as well.

And I am working with my therapist each week.

I just spoke with one of my oldest girlfriends who told me a year is an awfully long time to wait. There's no other way for me to go about this though, so I am literally stuck, unless by some miracle I can get a higher paying job that allows me to save the needed money much more quickly.

Again, thank you for your supportive and compassionate reply. I will hold onto hope, as its pretty much all I have right now!!!!