@DechanDawa, thank you again.

I am very sorry you got triggered by my thread and/or issues. I write at length and in great detail about it because I really need a lot of support through this messy process, as you put it so accurately.

That list of negatives was really more for me, but also for others to see what I am dealing with. It was reaffirming for me to post those negatives and to have others respond telling me it's a pretty bad list.

I will, however, protest and disagree with one of your statements. I am NOT telling everyone. I am telling ONLY MY closest girlfriends, two of whom happen to be in the same shared social circle as my husband. But they will never leak it out, and I am protected fully from it ever being leaked out. They are on MY side. Even before we met, they said they thought he was a troubled person.

I am also protecting myself FULLY right now. I am not being unfair to him, I am protecting myself from further harm from him. If I confront him on his abuse, all hell will break loose, I WILL lose my social circle and he will go on a reputation smear campaign against me, which will quite frankly, ruin me mentally and emotionally. This is exactly what abusers do when confronted with their abuse. They turn it ALL around on YOU, which he has done numerous times to me in fights, and they blame YOU, making themselves the victim and YOU, (me), the abuser. This is why I refuse to tell him anything until it's actually time for me to move out and leave him. And when I do, I will not blame him or accuse him of abuse. I will simply say "I am not happy, I am not in love with you anymore, this isn't working, and I want a divorce".

I will not and cannot put myself in any additional harm's way, and I will not allow losing my social circle, which is VERY, VERY important to me.

He has shown me textbook abuse tactics. He has shown me textbook abusive behavior. He accuses his ex wife of being abusive towards him and claims that's why they divorced. I know now that that was a lie, and that HE was the abuser.

I will not allow that to happen to me though. So, I am not confronting him, and I am protecting myself right now from a worse hell than I already will face. It's my right to not tell him, and for certain, I trust fully the few people I have told.

And yes, it's very hard for me to admit that he's been physically abusive. It does spell trouble, and perhaps he was testing the waters/boundaries/limits.

Some have even advised that I have a trusted friend or family member with me when I tell him I am leaving him.

The weed? I am not that opposed to it, but what I don't like is that he is very moody and a very difficult person to be around when he doesn't have it. I don't like that it's an addiction for him and something that he NEEDS to have in order to be mellow and even keeled. I do not need drugs or alcohol myself in order to function. He needs weed every day in order to function.

I have my own issues I am contending with too. I have an eating disorder. I am up to my ears in dealing with my own personal problems, so I have to take it all one step at a time. Right now I just need a support system so that I can be strong through this.

My girlfriend this weekend advised me to work on strengthening myself, including my mental health, and my support system. So that's my goal right now.