The longer this drags out, the more I realize that I miss having a husband who has my back. I miss having a husband who loves me. I miss having a partnership between us. I miss feeling secure and safe in the relationship.

I also realize that I don't have any of this in this marriage, and the grief I feel isn't so much at ending things with this husband; the grief is about my belief that I will never have a chance at it again based upon my age and stage in life.

I really didn't want to enter old age alone.