Quote:
Originally Posted by Have Hope
Not to hijack, but that’s what I’m afraid of in my own abusive marriage if we went to therapy. I do n’t trust him not to play super dirty. And he is a dirty fighter, pulling out all his weapons. I’d be putting myself in a firing squad if I went to therapy with him, at no fault of my own.
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That's ok Have Hope. My own father did this to me in a therapy session when I was in high school having problems with living with my parents. He literally would interrupt me when the therapist would ask me a question about my relationship to my parents. He lied to the therapist about what he did to me (emotional abuse) and refused to take responsibility for his behavior with me. It was pretty awful.
I was 15 years old at the time and suicidal. Frankly, I don't think he would have cared if I'd died. He even told his friends that he thought I was dumb, when I was 9 years old, when he had a BBQ with his friends' families in our backyard. I happened to be walking past my dad and his friends when he said this. He and his friends noticed that I overheard his comment, but he didn't even acknowledge me or apologize at that moment or apologize to me later. He never apologized to me for calling me dumb. It's no wonder I attract emotionally abusive men like my father into my life. And that's with years of therapy. I still attract that type of man, so relationships are a no-go for me. I'm better off lonely and alone. It's safer.
Fortunately, after one session of this nonsense from my father, the therapist told him that he wasn't allowed to come back to my next therapy session. He tried to prevent me from going the following week by taking the car away from me, but I found a ride from someone else. This was in high school. Sorry for MY hijacking, OP.
So, OP, what I'm advising you is based on my own experience with being gaslighted and minimized and invalidated by my own father. Your abusive partner of 6 years will do the same, from the sound of your description of what you've put up with from him all this time.
And, OP, the fact that you are so codependent on him -- that you are afraid to be alone without him -- shows just how brainwashed he's got you after 6 years of emotional conditioning from him.
You really just need to stay away from him. But if that's not possible for you because you want to be with him, then you will need to figure out how to create boundaries with the therapist you are seeing on your own.