Quote:
Originally Posted by Motts
That's ok Have Hope. My own father did this to me in a therapy session when I was in high school having problems with living with my parents. He literally would interrupt me when the therapist would ask me a question about my relationship to my parents. He lied to the therapist about what he did to me (emotional abuse) and refused to take responsibility for his behavior with me. It was pretty awful.
I was 15 years old at the time and suicidal. Frankly, I don't think he would have cared if I'd died. He even told his friends that he thought I was dumb, when I was 9 years old, when he had a BBQ with his friends' families in our backyard. I happened to be walking past my dad and his friends when he said this. He and his friends noticed that I overheard his comment, but he didn't even acknowledge me or apologize at that moment or apologize to me later. He never apologized to me for calling me dumb. It's no wonder I attract emotionally abusive men like my father into my life. And that's with years of therapy. I still attract that type of man, so relationships are a no-go for me. I'm better off lonely and alone. It's safer.
Fortunately, after one session of this nonsense from my father, the therapist told him that he wasn't allowed to come back to my next therapy session. He tried to prevent me from going the following week by taking the car away from me, but I found a ride from someone else. This was in high school. Sorry for MY hijacking, OP.
So, OP, what I'm advising you is based on my own experience with being gaslighted and minimized and invalidated by my own father. Your abusive partner of 6 years will do the same, from the sound of your description of what you've put up with from him all this time.
And, OP, the fact that you are so codependent on him -- that you are afraid to be alone without him -- shows just how brainwashed he's got you after 6 years of emotional conditioning from him.
You really just need to stay away from him. But if that's not possible for you because you want to be with him, then you will need to figure out how to create boundaries with the therapist you are seeing on your own.
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Argh! How maddening for you. I am so sorry for what you've gone through. I, too, believe that I will have to be single and lonely after I leave my marriage. I've attracted far too many abusers at this point, and I do not trust that I will not do it again.
I think this can cause even further harm to the victim of abuse, to have the therapist side with the abuser and believe their lies and stories. Then the victim is double victimized and has absolutely ZERO power.
To the OP, it is often that the abuser deflects all responsibility off of them in a therapist's office, denies their actions and makes you out to be the crazy and unstable one.
If you DO go to therapy, be armed with this knowledge. I understand your fears of therapy with this person, and they are very valid.
This is why I don't even want to attempt therapy with my abusive husband. He's shown me that he cannot take any responsibility for his abuse and he blames me instead for every single fight we've ever had. He's made statements such as "you have problems!" and "you're the one with the anger issues!" and "you're the one who is abusive!" when he's the abuser and when he's the one who blows up at me in a rage periodically.
Since you're not married and are not living together, you have no obligation to this person. You do not have to go to therapy with him. You can simply just cut ties and be done with him instead. That is an option for you.