So here's a dilemma I currently have:

We agreed that IF he blows up at me again, then we'll go to a counselor. I am VERY reluctant to go to couples therapy with him because I think he will deflect ALL responsibility onto me and will make me out to be the unstable and crazy one in the relationship. He has done this in many of our fights, and I have no confidence that he will own up to any of his behaviors. I don't see therapy as being helpful and in fact, I see it as being potentially detrimental to my own mental health and strength. I see myself being victimized in therapy too.

So what do I do instead IF and WHEN he DOES blow up at me again AND if this happens BEFORE I am prepared financially to leave him within the next year? What do I do then?

Like I wrote in the beginning of this thread, undergoing a formal "separation" within our apartment is not exactly feasible because the apartment is SO small. Our second bedroom has a broken bed in it that non one can sleep in -- I suppose I could purchase some sort of blow up bed for sleeping OR perhaps borrow one that I think my parents still own.

However, logistically, a separation in home would be most difficult, if not impossible, to accomplish. I also see it as a living HELL in such a small space. And I see it as being the only other alternative if and when he blows up at me again.

Are there any other options?