Slept well and feel pretty good so far bipolar-wise. Otherwise, feeling sort of devastated, to be honest. How am I supposed to know what meds I need and do not need? I am not a pdoc. Some of you know way more about this stuff than I do. I'm just a patient.

After I stopped my meds the last time and had that huge, awful mixed recurrence in the hospital, I promised myself I would never kid myself again and stop them once more. Until yesterday, it never occurred to me that I was on such a weird combination or number of meds that it made me stand out in any way compared to any other person with 'severe' bipolar 1. Plenty of folks in the hopsital were on more than me. But now, I feel like a complete freak, basically. Like some kind of monster or something. So, not sure what to do about any of this. Not putting any of this on any of you, btw, it is all me. I am always grateful for and always open to feedback. Always. Just not really sure what to do about this specific bit of feedback, that's all. But thank you all for sharing with me. i am very appreciative of the input.