I can't really offer anything in the way of personal advice on this. However you mentioned thinking you may be asexual. Did you know there is an asexuality forum on the web? Here's a link:
The Asexual Visibility and Education Network | asexuality.org
And then, also, here are links to 4 articles, from PC's archives, on the subject of attachment styles that may be of some interest with regard to how you react when someone expresses affection toward you:
What Is Attachment and Why Is It Important?
What's My Attachment Style and Why Does It Matter?
What Is an Avoidant Attachment Style and How Can I Change It?
How to Change Your Attachment Style
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"I may be older but I am not wise / I'm still a child's grown-up disguise / and I never can tell you what you want to know / You will find out as you go." (from: "A Nightengale's Lullaby" - Julie Last)
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