I've been self injuring (I usually call it self harm) since I was nine years old. I've been actively trying to quit for more than 10 years. It's been a long journey. I don't regret my scars because it's part of the road and part of who makes me....me. I do think I regret starting self harm in the first place, because I never knew it would be this hard to stop.

Right now I'm at a good place. I have currently 151 days of not self harming behind me which is the longest I've gone in quite some time. My ultimate goal is to never self harm again, but right now I'm trying to take it at three month increments. So my next three month increment will end on July 25th and start again on July 26th and go through until October 25th.


One of my previous therapists said I needed two years clean from self harm to be recovered. I don't know where he picked that number from. If it is anywhere specifically published or just his opinion, but anyway, that is my long term goal to get to that point where I can say I am recovered.


I have a chip I bought online, like the chips for AA or NA. It has the date that I last self harmed on it, and on the reverse (obverse) it says This day my new life began. I carry it with me, wherever I have my purse, I have that chip. It helps when I'm having urges, I can take out that chip and hold it and squeeze it and look at the date and say that you know, that was the last time.


It helps that the last time was a doozy. I was hospitalized because of it. So that really shook me up and put some fear into me. I don't want to forever struggle with this. It's taken up enough of my life. I want to be done with it. But each day is a struggle. I realize that I may stumble and I may fail. I hope if that happens I can pick myself up again, buy a new chip and keep going.


I just wanted to write this out. To get it out of my head and put it somewhere where it might mean something to someone else. I plan to post here on this thread again when I'm struggling, or even if I'm doing okay. This is where I'm at in my journey. Today I am okay. I might not be okay tomorrow but for right now, I'm okay.


Hang in there everyone! You are stronger than you know! HUGS Kit