Just had my emergency pdoc appointment. I've been so mean about her. She does know her stuff. She talked me down about everything I've been obsessing about. She had my original hospital diagnosis from 2015, and told me that I'm bipolar 1, and that even if I hadn't been diagnosed correctly then, I have presented many other symptoms since the hospital that showed that. So I finally have a name for it. Now that I do, I feel like I don't care anymore.

We upped my Trileptal considerably, though I have to go pick that up, and we lowered my Wellbutrin by half. I was pretty active in this call, but she knew what I was going to say before I said it. I told her about my experience on the highway, and she confirmed that I am not to drive during mania. I knew that from here, and from my fear of hurting my family or someone else, but it was nice to hear my doctor affirm my decision. She also told me that my experience on the highway with feeling that my hands were giant even though I could see they were not were just an experience of my mania, though she was glad that I brought this up. She wants me to tell her more of this. Over all... I think I have a better relationship with her than before.

I am not sure if I'm going to be around much today/tomorrow. Depression is setting in hard and fast, but I'm going to try because I think I need here.

Thanks for reading.