Because I am nice and have compassion for people, there is guilt around what I am doing. But I really do not see any other way.

We cannot live separately under the same roof for the next year. I do not have a free place I can stay for the next year. I cannot live with my parents. I cannot live with a friend.

Bottom line: I cannot move until well into next year or until after I've gathered the money together. I am totally stuck.

I am trying to talk myself out of my guilt by telling myself this is for my own self protection and self preservation. I know myself well, and if the cat is let out of the bag, I will live in a FAR worse HELL than I live in now, my mental health will completely deteriorate, and my job performance will suffer immensely. Of all things, I have got to keep my head above water, I've got to keep myself employed, and I have to keep my mental health in tact. I do know myself, and I know where I am vulnerable.

So this truly is the best to keep it from him. But the guilt is getting to me, especially when he's being so nice.

But all he needs to do is do something not so nice or toxic again, and the guilt will disappear. I have to remember this.