My therapist also said something interesting. I posed my dilemma to him about couples therapy, about letting the cat out of the bag before I am ready to move, and what should I do IF and WHEN he yells at me again.

My therapist told me I do not have to follow through on what I told my husband, ie, that we will go to couples counseling if he yells at me again. So I told him, yeah, but then he gets away with yelling at me with no repercussions. I had said the last time that we would have a serious problem IF it happens again. He told me, so you can tell him there's a serious problem, and you can back away from him without following through on the therapy.

He said why go to therapy if you know you want to end it, and if you know he's going to abuse you further? The only point of going is if you want to work on the relationship.

All I know is that I will not be able to stomach him blaming me, turning everything around on me, denying his anger and rages, and making ME out to be the crazy or abusive one in the relationship. I will feel victimized all over again which could traumatize me, and if he does that (which he will), I will have to end things right then and there. Then what? Then I am stuck with him until I can move out, and I am living in hell.

No..... so no therapy.

This really is a most difficult and tricky situation I am in.