Today I am grieving. I haven't ended it, but I am grieving the loss of what I had hoped to be true love, a healthy relationship for once, and a happy marriage for me.

I re-read through a LOT of my journal this morning, starting with the beginning of our relationship, when we moved in together, and all the way up until our engagement. I saw some inklings of trouble back then which gave me some doubts about marriage with him, but nothing like I've seen since just before and after we were married. There were many days when I wrote that I had met the most amazing man I've ever known.

I'm SO incredibly sad right now.

I also was extremely anxious this morning over having to tell him it's over, even though that won't happen for a very long time. I had to take an anti-anxiety pill.