Thanks for the responses...
divine1966: my wife told me last year in July that she wanted the divorce, she has yet to file the paperwork. We worked out a written agreement where I get to see my daughter every other weekend. Yet, as of late, my daughter has been relucatant to see me, since she cannot face the reality of the situation. She cannot comprehend what is going on and according to her therapist, she is adjusting in her own way. I have tried to have her come to my house, yet she has meltdowns and cries, since she states that she wants mommy and daddy together. She is only 7 years old. So, that has been my situation for the last few months. I have seen my daughter perhaps a handful of times within the last several months. I don't want to force her to see me, since I believe, her therapist also agrees with me, that this would likely provoke animosity. Her therapist states that I must wait for her to be ready.

Azul: Sadly, I will admit that I love my wife. Yes, it is a self destructive nature that I have and one that is hard to break from. I never learned a healthy way to love, since my childhood was trampled with trauma. I really don't know what healthy love is and I suffer immensely from it. I have written about my mother in previous posts, and let's just say she did a number on my ego and innocence. My therapist and I have been trying to work through this childhood trauma and I fully believe that I am cursed.

I am cursed to be alone and I fear the fact that I may have to be alone. When people get too close to me, I question their motives and unfortunately, can become quite cynical of their intentions. With this added divorce and situation, my cynicism has manifested itself into absolute isolation. I cannot trust anyone and for that matter, it is probably best that I live the life of a hermit. I am damaged goods and have very little, if any, hope left for my romantic life. I don't want to hurt people any more and I don't want to suffer any more. For that reason, I have deleted all of my dating profiles. I don't want to subject an innocent soul to my tormented self. On top of that, I grieve that an innocent angel has such a monster for a father. It hurts me deeply that my daughter has me for a father...I have a lof of regret and grief and have been tormenting myself for the monster that I feel that I am.

At least I have a cat to keep me company and I guess at 44 years of age, I can come to accept my life as a hermit. As I have mentioned before, luckily, this anger doesn't manifest at work. So, at least I am able to work and feel fortunate in that area.

--sarc