5 months today since I was hospitalized at the mental hospital because I had self harmed (not even on my wrists!) so lots of bad memories today. The stupid ER doctor who had me held on a 5150. I think it's almost comical. I requested, and received, my hospital notes. It said something about my affect being good and my responsiveness being good. If I was truly SUI I would not have had a good affect or a good or maybe any responsiveness. I still can't believe three doctors thought I was sui even though I told each of them that I wasn't in a very calm and even tone. I wasn't upset or crying or anything. Ugh. Then the hospital itself, I didn't even have sheets on the bed for two days. Just a bare mattress, the two blankets that the ambulance crew had stolen from the first hospital, and a comforter that the staff kind of lobbed in my direction when I was going to bed when I first got there in the middle of the night. My pets have better bedding than that! Inhuman. Ugh. I was trying to talk to my parents on my lunch break from work about how I'm having thoughts about the hospital but they don't get it. They literally were like turn that frown upside down and turn it into a smile. Am I a five year old? No. I don't want the 25th of each month to be a bad memory. So far it is. I'm trying to think of something positive, so you know, 6 months til Christmas! That's something. I have Monday off of work for my birthday and I'm going to the aquarium. That's something. I have Friday off of work next week for the 4th of July since the 4th lands on Saturday we get Friday off. So I have a three day work week. That's pretty cool. Ugh. It's not working.