Apologies for the length of this post.
~~Trigger alarm for ‘sexual’ content~~

Well, this just happened.

Came across a photo of AbusivePDoc and his family online. It brought up a lot of anger.

I realized that T and even PreviousT never met him and have never seen his picture. I wanted them to see the picture of the psychiatrist who exploited me emotionally, psychologically, financially and sexually.

I wanted them to see the photo of the psychiatrist who r***d me, stole my money, shredded my mental health, hurt my family and confused and hurt me so badly that I’ve been on the couch since 1994.

I wanted PreviousT to see him bc she was the one that found me at my worst- right in the middle of the relationship with AbusivePDoc, my questioning ‘is this relationship all right?’..so confused..so hurt..so messed up. I can’t even tell you how bad it was.

She fought very hard to keep me from ‘cracking’ mentally and keep me from destroying myself. She admitted me inpatient several times before I understood what was happening to me, during the criminal, civil, and medical board cases, and she was the light that kept me going during the aftermath..during all of it. Finding attorneys. Interrogatories. Depositions. Affidavits. Interviews. Seven years.

It was a lot.

We went through all of that together and she hadn’t ever seen his photo. I sent it to her because I thought it was important...a kind of ‘closure.’ I wanted her to see what I’ve been fighting.

She is a T of few words most of the time...especially now when she is part of my support system, yet not my T anymore.

Her response was, “Wow!- -“

I simultaneously sent a note and the photo to my current T. Current T has heard all about the trauma/situation, of course. She has relived most of the history with me. She’s the one that helped me figure out what to call the sexual aspect of the abuse...beyond ‘exploitation.’ It was all exploitation, but I was confused what to call an aspect of the sexual acts. I learned I was r***d almost thirteen years after it happened..because I said, ‘no’ to a part...and he physically forced me to do it anyway.

So CurrentT and I have been through a lot regarding this situation, too.

I sent CurrentT the photo and a brief note reflecting my anger at the sob.
She didn’t reply. I thought she must busy. I finally asked her if she had received the photo? I just wanted to make sure she got it.

She finally admitted she did receive it ...and said she should have acknowledged it...and apologized. She said her reason for not talking via email about the photo was it was ‘too deep’ for her to do that well. She said she should have acknowledged it and said, “I want to talk more about this.”

On the phone she said she didn’t have any nice words to say about the photo. I take her overall meaning is that the photo angered her, maybe? My guess is that she was affected beyond anything I expected?

I’m a little confused. I’m touched that it affected her so much.

We have a tele-med appointment for Saturday and we will talk more about it then.