Had your wife ever brought up these issues to you in the last 3 years, or is this the first time you are hearing these things from her ("she felt as if i didnt help her, didnt show her affection, didnt help with the baby, didnt do anything except work and look at my phone.")?

If she had never brought these things up, then I can understand your shock. But if she has mentioned that these things are bothering her, then it would have been on your shoulders to help out more, to be more affectionate and to show her that you care about her and the baby.

And those problems are NOT minor. They are HUGE. If she truly feels that you have not helped with your child, and that you have been an absent father and husband, and if all your attention has been on work and on your phone, then she has a right to feel resentful and neglected.

A gambling addiction can become a HUGE problem in a relationship. Depression can also become a problem. And lack of communication can be a HUGE problem as well that can break a couple apart.

It sounds like your wife's mind is pretty much made up, without her saying the words to you. She removed her marital status from Facebook, which says a LOT about what she's thinking and feeling. It seems she does not want to be married anymore. As painful as it may be, you may have to accept that this is what she wants. And if therapy is not what she wants, what more can you do? You cannot fix her unhappiness that has been prolonged over several years. Resentful builds, and it seems she reached a breaking point and wants to break free.