thank you for writing me here. I know that, but as I wrote, I tried, and tried, people just don't like me. There is something wrong with me, it always was. I look like a normal person, attractive even, but I feel like people see I am disturbed, I am not normal, and even if they really don't I see everyone is avoiding me. I tried to ask people to met for coffee, to get some friends, but even thou some said "yes, we should" but whenever I ask, they are "busy". It seems everyone suddenly has something "suddenly came up" when I ask them out for a coffee. I have even coworkers who seriously hate me, and I feel mobbed and molested at work, but I have no idea why. They tell me just that I am "horrible person"? Why? What did I ever do to you? No answer.
Even my own sister doesn't like me. Sometimes, I thought of "forbidden S word", like most hated or avoided person ever, but without anyone giving any reason for it. Why am I so repulsive? No one can say. I look normal, I never want to hurt anyone, I am not smelly or dirty, I am not rude, and I am always trying to find something nice in everyone. I try to cheer up people to make them feel better. They still avoid me, or hate me, or both. One coworker even complained about me, he said to CEO I am "not normal" and I am "disturbed" person I wanted me to be fired. Luckily for me, CEO thought different. But he still told me to be "more careful". I have no idea what I did! I am silent person, mostly I am quiet in my corner, working my 8-9 hours without word. Sometimes, I talk to people and I like the most. I liked this one until that happened too. I felt betrayed. He won't tell me what I did, he can't even say why he thinks I am "disturbed"/ But that pushed my insecurities deeper.
I was severely bullied in grade school. I left it with scars. I think I was never normal, but I am harmless. I would never hurt anyone. I feel like he is the only person who sees it. I am so tired. I just want to be normal and seen as what I am. Quiet, shy but harmless. Why am I unlikeable? I have no idea.
I had a lot of hobbies, still do, but I am still alone.
So, yes, I tried to find friends, women seem to fear me, or just avoid me. Men if they like me, just want to have sex with me with no obligations. They even say, they "need a woman" like I am some kind or object of "woman" kind and can be used for them. I feel terrible. When I went to last therapist I felt like even she didn't like me and I left therapy. Now the last friend I have is vanishing, literally and metaphorically, from my life. And he won't let me help him, he won't even see a doctor, and he grabs his chest every few minutes, he is pale, and tired, he looks bad. I am so tired.