At this point in my life I really feel a need to get the bad thing from my past out in the open. My first memories as a child were being taken to my father’s girlfriend’s house and her spanking me. I didn’t know until later that this lady was my father’s mistress. My next memories are when my father lost his job after 20 + years and never told anyone. Eventually they repossessed our house and we had no place to go. During this time my father left and went to another state. My mother did what she had to do and got multiple jobs and sold her blood and everything of value we had to find us a place to stay. My father was long gone for the time being. We went from living in a nice brand new house into a water damaged mobile home that I, my sister and my mom shared one bed. My mother would take us around and get money and other donation from local charity’s to help feed us. I remember one Christmas that my mother couldn’t afford to buy us anything but luckily we had good friends that got us stuff. But we had no heat in our trailer so we went without my grandmothers knowledge and stayed at her house where there was just for Christmas. Who knew such a little thing as heat would make a Christmas so special. During this I was battling going to school everyday and being picked on by the other kids. I was very small for my age and being moved into a new school after losing our house I had no friends. My mother being such a great person would send my father money who was continuously lying to her telling her that he was finding a job and would bring us to wherever he was at the time. She would work extra and sell more of her stuff to do this for him. I had my first episodes of feeling anxious and would run away from school and would hide under my bed for security. One episode the school principal came to get me when I didn’t show up for school. I remember hiding under the bed trying to be as quiet as possible so they wouldn’t find me. I finally found a friend around third grade that I finally felt comfortable with. I would spend all the time with his family who treated me as their own and welcomed me anytime. Sometime around ages 10 -13 my sister who is 5 years older hit puberty and became very sexual. During days when my mother was hard at work my sister would make me have what she called pretend sex. She would undress to her underwear and she would make me fondle her and kiss all over her naked body. I would have to kiss and play with her breast and even kiss the outside of her underwear. This would go on almost everyday for a while I cannot even remember how long this lasted. Sometime during this my father came back into my life. He had been gone and while he was gone had made all these promises to the family about how he was going to make things better and move us to another state. None of these things ever happened and I realized later they were all made up anyway. My sister would eventually stop the abuse after she found herself a boyfriend. She dated this guy and moved in with him. I would go visit and during the visits would watch him assault my sister by holding her down and doing sexual acts to her. I was scared to death to do anything and had also been assaulted by this person by being punched and pushed around. I was also told not to tell by my sister because she didn’t want anyone to find out about this. My sister became pregnant and really wanted nothing to do with the child. My mother and I cared for my new niece. I felt like at age 14 to 15 that I had a new child. I basically raised this child while my sister continued to be her old self but I couldn’t even go hang out with friends because I had someone to take care of. Also when my sister had her daughter we had to move again to make room for the addition to the family. Leaving me again to find new friends during the short times I was not caring for my niece. Moving on to middle school and high school I had very bad acne and was overweight I was picked on daily and stayed to myself so I was not made fun of. We were also still very poor and would only have some many clothes and would have to wear the same clothes over and over thus was picked on for not getting new clothes. During my junior and senior year of high school I found new friends, ones that cared for me and understood me. I never blamed my mother for anything that happened in my life. And I never would but my T says that due to my mother being at work all the time that I felt abandoned by both my mother and my father. I never even looked at it that way but I am no expert.That’s my childhood in a brief statement.

Added trigger icon. Christina86