I know that over time and long after we had completed our therapy together, my therapists and I have stayed in touch and we regard each other as old friends. That doesn’t result from therapists who are acting. It also doesn’t result, perhaps surprisingly to some, from poor boundaries during therapy. The ability to be lasting friends requires an ability to respect space and realistic roles on both sides both during therapy and beyond. I was always pretty aware that they were affected by working with me long-term. All of them had met members of my family for various reasons, and they had walked with me through some rather intense life events. Of course they were affected by those events, but I never saw evidence that they were overly impacted or in any way emotionally hurt or in distress. They were professionals well-versed in dealing with the traumas and mental health issues I was experiencing, and they maintained supportive and professional relationships with me during my therapy.

After therapy, our relationship was no longer professional. I no longer expected therapy from them and didn’t receive that from them which I think is why we have been able to shift into friendship mode without any problems. (And friendship does not in any way mean we are buddies; we are more like old friends who keep in touch regularly.)

It is clear from our discussions over the years that they always cared genuinely about me and wanted things to turn out positively for me as I moved forward. They worried when I was unwell - that was clear - but that worry did not impact their ability to professionally support me through my crises.

Professionals in helping professions who are strong and effective at what they do are able to compartmentalize so that they can continue to function effectively. That doesn’t render them emotionless, but that does allow them to know how to set themselves aside and stay present and effective as they work with their clients.