So,

Having felt attacked by almost every single one of these replies i have an update,

I arrived home to feed the cat to find her wedding ring a note a divorce petition,

Now im calm i can update you on this, she is using my gambling addiction as the main front and accusing me of spending "our savings" lack of support and not supporting her mental health.

Now,

I replied to this and accepted the divorce with a level head.

Throughout our relationship she hasnt contributed anything financially, fuel to pick her up and take her to mine a 7hr round trip for 4 years, before we were married she never paid for the fuel,

We got married i paid for everything except the wedding dress and bridesmaids dresses,

Once married she had secret debt, she approached me once and i had to borrow money off my parents to pay it off, she didnt tell me how much more debt there was, this was a recurring theme and when i sat down and totalled what id paid for her it was about 6k? She also still has these debts however after months of telling her to speak to debt advice or set up a standing order so she wasnt missing payments she finally did it. After multiple bailiff letters were placed in different areas of the house unopened and hidden

Now, the instagram thing was a ploy to aggrovate me against what she had been planning, it was a throw away comment i am active on instagram so i watch everyones stories daily, she wasnt the only person i watched and liked daily, but as shes my wife youd expect to have your updates liked by your husband (apparently not)

She stated to me that she was worried that id come back, yet ive never given her a reason to believe this, its guilt talking to get a rise out of me so id be offended and leave,

My "gambling addiction"

Now, this is a strange subject and i fully expect none of you to understand however, having spoken to my mental health nurse and mentioning her secret debt, she made a valid point,

"Your compulsion to gamble sounds like a response to ensure you have the money to pay off a hidden debt"

This resonated with me, when i had cut my financial ties to her mentally my compulsion to gamble was no longer there, so i put gamstop in place joined GA and ive not had a compulsion to seek gambling since.

Now,

I accepted the divorce and i have sent my own version of events.

On reflection and careful consideration, her accusations of my gambling affecting "our savings" is not true, WE never had any savings and she didnt put anything towards it,

She said i was gambling in secret however she knew i was gambling as she had admitted to looking through my accounts and didnt seek to confront me or seek help for me if she was that worried,

She stated there was no sex, this is because after my first was born she fell into depression and i gave her the space she required, she didnt want it and i wasnt going to pressure her, we had sex frequently so then my second was born, and the same happened again, however my 2nd born is 6 months old now and suddenly she doesnt want to be with me anymore..

This decision was made months ago and made me out to be the bad guy,

However on reflection

That money that was i was gambling she reaped the benefit from, new clothes, bigger house, new cars, and 2 holidays, not to mention paying off her secret debts.

Now, lack of affection and intimacy are easy fix's with communication and the will the succeed.

Lieing to your husband for 3 years and then accusing me of doing nothing for you? Thats not ok.

I have financially kept her above water for 10yrs.

Right now without the divorce settling into my brain yet i am calm.
I will ensure my daughters have everything that they ever need and require, but shes made her decision. Its time to move on and stop blaming myself for something im only partly at fault for.