My boring limited existence continues. Physically I have not improved. It’s been bad for four months I don’t expect it to disappear soon. I’m trying todo positive things with the little energy I have to keep my mental health from tanking. Thankfully, I have a few key people in my life who bring me joy and opportunity to give. My world is very small. I do what I can.

Despite my efforts to stay positive my T is concerned about my SI. Although, I am strongly against acting as I do not want to harm my impressionable nieces and nephews I still have limits to what I can bear before I lose my mind and thus my capacity to think rationally. My T wants to focus on this subject next week.

I’ve discovered that my body is still acting like it’s in survival mode. After decades of trauma it doesn’t feel safe. It really only has been for six months. I guess it will take time for me to calm down and relax. Maybe it’s why I’ve crashed so badly this time. I’m finally safe.