My T actually said the words, "You affect me, LT" to me once, so I know that I do. He meant it in the sense that he's not some sort of robot who has no reaction to things I say or do. He's said he wants to help me understand how some of my words and actions could affect others, so he said he actually shares with me what he's thinking more than he does with most clients. The difficult part of that, for me, is that part of what he shares is negative reactions. He's mentioned being frustrated by me, that he felt I was trying to control him, that he felt something I said to him was manipulative, and that he felt uncomfortable with the fact that got comfort from holding a transitional object that he gave me if I associated it with *him* rather than with the therapy space. Some of that was very painful for me (and in one case led to me terminating and seeing someone else briefly, but I returned to T a few weeks later). He's also mentioned being worried about me (one night when I was in crisis) and some other more positive things. Or that something made him think of me.


However, he's also told me that he will always be honest with me and let me know early on if something I say or do bothers him (like I worry about, say, emailing too much). So I don't have to be wondering (which is one of my things, worrying that someone is annoyed or upset with me but not telling me). I've come to really appreciate that and think it's helped in my ability to trust him. It's also helped me with realizing someone can be frustrated with me, say, and that it doesn't "threaten the relationship," as he would say. So, he might be frustrated and tell me that, but it doesn't mean he's going to terminate me. And that's come to help me with outside relationships (marriage and friendships) as well. I'm more likely now, if I think someone may be annoyed (or whatever negative emotion) with me rather than just assuming and worrying about it. And I don't automatically think it's the end of the world if they say they are.